Sent: Monday, June 27, 2005 6:41 PM
Subject: floating 4 wheeler email
IT WORKED!!!!
Part nine of "Rednecks Gone Bad" or “The Other Pearl River Resort”
Picture: Hubert and his impossible amphibious machine.
Video: Patent Pending (this is secret footage of the prototype)
From: Andy
Sent: Friday, June 24, 2005 8:00 AM
Subject: RE: hardin- crook 4 wheeler project
Its beginning to look like a twisted episode of “The lost boys” only instead of vampires you guys are Mississippian’s. “They sleep all night. Party all day. Never grow old. Never die. It’s fun to be a Mississippian”. Roy
From: Houston
how about a full auto HK MP5 PDW 9mm...cyclic rate of 900 rounds/min????? We could use it to "motivate" Hubert across the Pearl. -hh
From: Shawn
Hubbie - I am also bringing some steel cable, rope (not enough to cross the pearl), life jacket, scuba gear, bagels.
From: Hubert
Amphitrax Project status:
--->Items in-hand: Four 25x13x9 tubes, Twenty 48" zip ties
--->Items needed:
1) a package (20 or more) of 34" (or longer) industrial zip ties. Home Repo is an absolute rip-off.
I found a place I think is named "Southern Pipe and Supply" on Hwy49 next to a Dairy Queen (right off the I20 exit). They claim to have lots of 34" zip at .07/each which beats the $1.00/ea I paid for my 48" ones.
3) A form of paddle for the tires. Ok, this ain't easy to describe, but we're gonna need some "go" attached to the rotating rear tires.
Of course it's no speedboat, but it would suck to have it float and no go.
From: Hubert
Yeah, I would like a little more float in reserve. It is going to be -very- close with machine+pilot.
Did I mention that since our last communique I have procured 20 48" zips (probably need 5-10 34" short ones as well) and 4 25x12x9 Shindawa "rotsa-ruck" tubes?
Oh, I also mentioned the master plan to the Polaris dealership where I found the tubes. In case they'd been there, done that and had words of wisdom.
Polaris' official response was: "You're joking, right?" and refused to discuss the matter further during the transaction.
Wimps.
From: Matt
Well, in the interest of advancing scientific knowledge I would like to mention a few things.
1. A tire is a circular torus. V=2p2Rr2 So the happy news is you were extra conservative. I get 5.3 cu. ft. However I have had a few beers tonight.
2. There is something called a stability triangle. (It’s not actually a triangle, it is a pyramid.) If you don’t keep the center of gravity within this at all times, your system will seek a more stable arrangement (usually upside down).
3. Remember that the vehicle will sink until the weight of the water displaced equals the weight of the vehicle, cargo, passengers, and crew. While I could probably derive you a formula for that, it would probably be wrong (see beer comment above). Anyhow, where exactly are the intake and exhaust on these four wheelers?
4. I figure 5.3 cubic feet of air for each tire. At 60 psi, that is about 87 cubic feet of air total. Houston, what’s the average adult’s lung capacity? .2 cubic feet or so? Why not bring along a 12v pump (these things have electric start, right)?
5. Forget the 400lb fat asses (you two have really let yourselves go, huh?) How much does the four-wheeler weigh?
From: Dale
Subject: RE: hardin- crook 4 wheeler project
I think the first test should come complete with a support vessel. My canoe should be here this week. Also, the test "pilot" should wear a life preserver (I have extras).
But you guys may be on to something big. Your basic redneck has a bass boat and a 4-wheeler, but he can't afford a racin' boat too. This will allow even the average redneck to take his motorsports out on the water, where all new terms will have to be invented ("bumping balloons" just doesn't have the same ring as "grinding fenders" or "tradin' paint").
Let's get this show on the, er, water.
From: Hubert
Houston, I was thinking pre-inflate the tubes and carry 'em down on the front and rear racks. Bet they fit, and will double as a storage bin for Krystal cheeseburgers.
Remind me to bring a Schrader-valve remover thingy.
From: Hubert
Subject: Re: hardin- crook 4 wheeler project
Oh, yeah - Houston,
Don't mention this to anyone yet, just in case it turns out to be a hare-brained idea.
BTW, didn't Archimedes drown?
From: Houston
Subject: hardin- crook 4 wheeler project
This is a summary of hubert and houston's discussions about how to get the 4 wheelers across the pearl river in order to ride the trails "over thar".
the leading proposal is to ziptie an extra 4-wheeler -like inner tube to the outside of each existing tire. We could easily pack the deflated tires, hand pump, and long heavy duty zipties down the trails to the river....then inflate, ziptie them on, and go a floatin' and hoping that the math is right. Archimedes principle I think.
Folks this is a huge mission concerning the 4 wheelin' riding scene back there. I've run out most of the trails with exception of Mule Jail and Spillway area. We need to broaden our horizons and this is the way to do it.
Oh yeah...Hubert has stated that he will ride ...er, float...er, swim...across first.
From: Hubert
Excellent.
------------------------------
Let's say for estimating purposes an average tube has a outer diameter of 22", a width of 12" and an inner diameter of 9: That leaves us with a tube diameter (cross section) of 22" - 9" = 13"
We still need the circumference (length of tube "unrolled") , so 2 PI r, or 2 * 3.14159 * 7" (-4" to get center of tube, and just cause I feel conservative) = 44" (tube "unrolled")
Now, knowing the formula for the volume of a cylinder:V = (pi)r^2 x h where h is the height.
V = 3.14159 (13 * .5) ^2 * 44"
so, 3.14159 * 42.25 * 44" = 5840 cu in
or, 3.38 cubic feet displacement per tube.
Just cause I'm feeling antsy and I tend to screw up mundane math details, I'm going to halve the displacement to 1.7 cu ft.
Ok, 62.4 pounds per cubic foot of Pearl River water so
1.7 * 62.4 pounds = 106 lbs bouyancy per tube.
4 tubes x 106 = 424 lbs .
Sanity check: Picture a 400 lb fatass floating on 4 large ATV tubes in the Pearl River. .... I guess I could/have seen that happening.
...Ok, it'll probably work. Let me know if i screwed up the math.
*****
Puzzled redneck looking at wire running across river: Dude, that's not a "trot line", we plumbed the Pearl with Gigabit Ethernet.
...Install ports in a few strategically-located oak trees and you'll never have to worry about being house bound and on-call again.
From: Hubert
To: Houston
Sent: Saturday, June 11, 2005 1:43 PM
Subject: The answer to the question no one asked
Q: How would I make my 4-wheeler float across a river while appearing smart and stylish at the same time?
A: Four inner tubes, twelve 48" zip ties, and one plastic gold crown air freshener.
